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Sometimes Things Just Make You Think...

"We should enjoy every moment of our life, 'cos it can be very long or very short."
- Gumball (The Amazing World of Gumball)

So... Saturday Zyi finally apologized for all the stuff he has done as of late. I would have written about it sooner but, didn't make me feel triumphant or anything close. Actually, I felt the exact opposite. More than anything, I felt bad for him. I told him in life, you'll always do or say things you don't mean. The trick is to admit what you did and learn and grow from it. I also told him that even at my ripe old age, I'm still learning about the world around me. He started to cry. Mind you, Zyi doesn't cry. He is a wall so at first, it caught me off guard which caused me to ask what his life means to him. Mind you, this is an important time in his life so I wanted to hear his true opinion. He said he didn't know. I wasn't stunned. I thought about myself in High School. I was a mess. Didn't go to class. Didn't try. Didn't care. I sat him down and told him that he and I are two sides of the same coin. We mirror both movement and mentality and that is not always a good thing. We are self saboteurs. I think as a parent, it's easy to forget what it's like to have personal struggles once you have a child. It's like all those times you ever felt alone in the world just disappear and you forget you ever had problems. You convince yourself that your child's life can't possibly be that bad. I can only speak for myself but I know I've always maintained an honest rapport with Zyi because he is so much like me. As he was lying on my shoulder crying, I talked to him about what I'm thinking about his life versus what he think. Lately I've felt so angry and disappointed in him that I think I forgot he knows more about me than I tell people who've known me forever and not because I want him to see me as his buddy... More like, I want him to see me as simply flawed. And strong. And determined. And pretty much an all around badass. I kid. I kid. (No I'm not. I'm freaking awesome... Come at me, bro) I want him to know no matter how inhuman he sees me at times... Mommy is only human.

Before Tonight's Episode Review...

"I've got principles. It just turns out I can't live by them."
Gumball (The Amazing World of Gumball)

The world may be falling apart but guess what day it is? The season finale of Rupaul's Drag Race. Man, it's been a long, rather dull season. I mean, it was good in spots but mostly it reminded me of Season 7 and that is not a good thing. BUT I'm not blaming the show. I'm blaming the fans. Like, 100% not kidding, the fans have ruined the show. They go to the queens' Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, doesn't matter... Just to tell them they hate them or in the black queens cases: To send death threats and call them "niggers" like being who you are is a bad thing. You're watching a heavily edited TV show. So the queens had an argument. How does that effect your life in anyway? Not gonna lie, I did not like Phi Phi in her season but she is the greatest example of this. People attacked her all over the place. Then turned right around and are reading this season to filth. Shit, I wouldn't talk or be my true self either. It's not safe. It's one thing to not like a queen. It's a completely different ballgame to attack them because of a moment in their life that was caught on tape. People forget: Generally speaking, when we see drag race, it's usually about a year after it was filmed... Give or take a few months. That's more than enough for people to bury the hatchet. You don't know if theu have or haven't changed. All you know is you wanna flap your gums because you can. It's easy to sit behind a computer screen and talk shit about someone. Takes no effort in the slightest. Tearing people down behind a keyboard has become the hottest new fashion trend. You're not fashionable unless you're sitting behond a keyboard like a bitch... Talking shit. You don't even care if your words harm anyone. Now, I know I'm not exactly a feelings, sharing and healing kinda gal but I refuse to talk behind someone's back. Behind a computer is even worse cuz you don't know that person personally, ya slimeball. If your opinion is that shitty, by all means, have it. Just don't post it on the internet. Cyberbullying is a real thing. People have killed themselves over it. If you're that commited to your opinion, by all means, do you. Just remember that for some people, words can change the course of the day.
And you should care.
And if you don't, shame on you.

So Um... False Alarm...

"Bitch, you ate James and the giant peach."
- Trinity (I died... Don't even bother to resuscitate)

Well, it's 7:47pm. I'm excited for tonight's episode but at the same time, I'm not ready for it to be over. All it's gonna be is an hour of bullshitting and shooting the breeze then BAM! The winner is... bleeh. Gah, I want Shea to win. Since I can't have Nina, I hopped on over to hashtag team Shea Coulee. Or if I can't have Shea, I'll take Shea and Sasha together. The world loves a good power couple.
*squeals* I can't wait to see what everyone is wearing. Nina especially, of course. It's time! It's time! Oh wait... This is different than normal. Hold on... Where's the extravagant music, opening, and introductions... Okay, nevermind. NEXT WEEK is the season finale. Not this. I was about to be pissed.
So this episode is kinda like a reunited of sorts. Lately the reunion and season finale have been kinda squashed together. I'm glad it's separate. I like this format.
Ru and Lady Bunny used to do acid together... Eh. Who knew? *whispers* I can see it. Hmmmmm... They're talking about Valentina right now. Let me put down my phone. Damn, Shea going in on Nina. (Who looks like a stunning African warrior priestess might I add) Oh oh, looks like they 'bout to go in on her now. I follow Nina all over online. She's messy but she's also sensitive. Her humor is self deprecating.
Sidebar: I'm not okay with Fire Island's removal. *pauses* What? I've already said that? Bye bitch. I need my Patrick fix.
Alexis Michelle... oh shut up, girl. I just... No. Just no. A thousand times no. She so side winding and back tracky *laughs* *pulls out bullhorn* FAKE
I have one more of week of these queens. I love it. I'm so excited. Oh, they're gonna go ahead and do Miss Congeniality. Who is it? *drumroll please* Valentina! I'm in shock... Said no one ever. Aja 'bout to be messy as fuck. Bitch said Valentina shouldn't be Miss Congeniality. Know Valentina fans are over the top crazy. She better pray that's just some fancy Drag Race editing or her career is officially DOA. Damn, Farrah and Aja going in... Farrah is so nice tho' so you know you pissed her ass off. They said Valentina isn't congenial but she is the fan favorite so they'll take her win if the title is changed to "fan favorite"... Damn, where were these shady bites all season?
I lived for the reunited. No lie
PS: The surprise twist of Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg's friendship is just cute as a button. They have a cooking show.
"If there's one person who knows how to make something whiter, it's Martha Stewart."
- Seth Rogen... This show has me cracking up
PS2. Check out Nina...

If that doesn't say getting ready for Black Panther 2018... Nothing will... 💜💜💜

Obligatory Birthday Post... I Had Fun...

"Happy birthday!!!"
- Like, practically everybody

So, I woke up still feeling really down and unhappy yesterday but I promised David if I got fish bowls for my birthday I would stop sucking the joy outta my birthday. It still took practically the rest of the day but yeah, it ended great. I regret consuming as much alcohol as I did... Said no one ever. *laughs* I'm glad I had fun. After all the mess I've been dealing with lately, I honestly believe I earned last night. See, I saw this video on Tipsy Bartender about their version of cookies and cream alcoholic milkshakes. Dude, best idea ever and the fish bowls really set the whole thing off. I won't lie: I ended up getting fucked up! I was so tore up that I was dancing around the yard to Rupaul and Todrick Hall jams. *laughs*
I would like to think that I give Tasha a lesson in gay culture whenever she's around me cuz every time she pops up, I've learned something new.
Which reminds me, I would like to give a shout out to my two friends who thought nudes would be a great birthday gift. Dude, not all heroes wear capes.
Oops. I didn't come back like I was supposed to. It is now 6/13/2017 and today Imma collect Sherry's mom's life story so that I can attempt to turn it into a novel. I think I'm up for the challenge simply because I'm ready to get back in the writing game and if this is what it'll take to snap me outta my rut, I'm all in. There are no wrong answers here. So yeah, Imma give it a go.
34 might just be my year...
*sighs* We'll see

Last Day At 33...

"You forgive the people that hurt you then you forget they existed."
- Alyssa Edwards (Rupaul's Drag Race)

Usually for my birthday I do some kind of year in review or an assignment. Seeing as how this year, due to my life being a big ass ball of UGH and unhappiness, I decided to do a 34 at 34. So, without further ado, 34 facts, lessons or random insights at 34... (In no particular order of course)
1. I used to get all pissed off and disgusted when my uterus donor contacted me. Long ass facebook posts, the works. (It took me a long time to admit to myself I was still hurting over it.) This time, long before she popped up like a dusty ass jack in the box for the 4th time, I realized that I really do forgive her and it's time she forgive herself and move on. I 100% believe if you walk out on your child you forfeit that relationship. Unless it was a fairly good reason, popping up when they're grown is just tacky and no. Just no. A thousand times no. If they reach out to you, that's on them
2. I don't discuss politics to the point that I will walk off if it comes up
3. I used to hide my manic depression from people. I was ashamed of it for years and years before I started being more open about my battles. Sometimes I don't feel like me but ya know what? That's okay
4. My circle is the strongest group I've ever been involved in. These people are not just my friends, they are my family and sometimes much, much more. I am extremely lucky
5. I am the most anti-social social person you will ever meet. It works for me because I don't crave attention
6. Max Royal is officially a full fledged personality. Which makes him #7
7. I only recently got back into hobbying. I stopped for a long time cuz Imma moron but I'm better now. Incidentally, this ties in with #6 cuz he's the one who started the photography studio
8. Rupaul's Drag Race was not my 1st dose of Drag Queens. 💜 Divine💜
9. Queer As Folk will probably be my favorite TV show of all time no matter what else hits the airwaves
10. My favorite movie this year hands down is... The Power Rangers/ Logan/Guardians 2/Bad Moms (⬅Just for that joke about uncircumcised penis... Gold)
11. I have a thing for Empire
12. I didn't have a favorite song until I heard "Sissy That Walk" by Rupaul. Now they're "The Realness" (Also Rupaul) "Low" (Todrick Hall... Version 2 features Rupaul herself) "Expensive" (Also Todrick Hall and the video features queens from Drag Race)
13. Due to my life before I got adopted, I grew up feeling like the air in my lungs was invalid. It took me awhile to learn to celebrate myself
14. Speaking of 13, our apartment burned to a crisp on my 11th birthday so just think, without that gah-awful surprise party, some of you wouldn't know me... Scary the roads left untraveled
15. Speaking of #1, I am humbled by the fact that I could have turned out like her and am forever grateful for some of the life lessons I took from the years before I got adopted (Some of that shit has kept me alive. True story)
16. If you can give up on something, there's a good chance you didn't want it as much as you thought you did
17. I'm sorry Emma Watson, I'll take my Beauty and the Beast animated
18. I live for spoilers to the point that sometimes I'll go watch something as soon as it comes out to stop myself from spoiling it for myself
19. I give way too much of myself to people/things. I know that and yet I do nothing to break the vicious cycle
20. I am suspicious of people who pop into my life liking me day one. No one really does that. I'm like a rare, assholish fungus. I grow on you
21. Speaking of #20, I say and do things all the time to make myself seem unlikeable. Do I try to fix it? No
22. Speaking of #21, I speak from a dusty corner of my mind where happy thoughts go to die. I have no chill
23. I still think marriage is a horrible blood pact... Unless you are happily married then... My hats off to you. We all have our flaws 😜
24. Speaking of 23, I wrote a beautiful wedding that I want to force on someone someday. Eureka! I should freaking marry myself
25. I stopped writing. This is something I am sad about. I'm always searching for inspiration and yet, I have someone morphed into an old, dried up well covered in moss and hopelessness
26. I like seeing old people working out. It makes me happy
27. Not everyone who has me deserves me. I know that now
28. For awhile, something bad always happened on my birthday. (See #14) I thought it was cursed so I would hide the fact that it was my birthday
29. Steven Universe changed how I view myself and some of the people/events around me
30. We cannot control where we come from. Crazy right? You don't choose your name or your parents. You're just poof! Born. Ya know what the best part of that scenerio is tho'? No matter what happens from birth, you have a say so in where you end up. Don't waste that
31. If you are in a relationship/friendship/blood pact and you aren't willing to change and grow together, you will grow apart. It is known
32. I am perfectly okay with communicating in television/music/commercial references. It's my thing
33. I became a homeowner at 33. Without my circle (See #4) it would not have been possible because we all support each other and those guys are my wonder bras. They lift me up and I somehow come out looking/feeling good... Ya know, perky and shit
34. I am glad I'm looking forward. I move forward in the changes I've made but I do not regret anything I've done. You cannot shout/claim/toss out the amnesia card "regret" or "mistake" if you had the chance to choose door #2. That's a cop out. Own your truth and once you can do that, stand in front of it... You'd be amazed at how freeing it is
*sighs* I did it! 34 at 34...
"I will say I thought I was gonna win this week cuz I actually wore a rainbow look." The shade of it all, Sasha. (I did say last week the judges were saying Shea's graffiti wasn't exactly rainbow. I disagreed but that shade was still funny)

I'm not exactly feeling at my happiest but, Imma hafta suck it up because it's time for Rupaul's Drag Race and we're on the final 4... You know what that means?! Next week it's the season finale!!! *applause*
So... I'm still guessing Peppermint goes home this episode unless she pulls out an epic, show stopping show tonight. I kinda love the final 4 equally but if I hafta root, I'm team Shea since my beloved Nina Bonina is away.
Anyway, Todrick's back for this episode. I 💜 Todrick Hall.
So what's going on in this episode? They're shooting the (*pause* Can I just point out how beautiful Michelle Visage looks whilst explaining the challenges they'll face this episode?) music video this week. Yaaaaaas! Shea is doing a rap for this. It's awesome and fast as hell. Trinity... uh, Trinity. Oh. Gurl. Oh. It's bad. It's oh so very painfully bad. My ears, my eyes... My memories... Imma remember this happened. *shudders* Peppermint is also doing a rap... Shea's was better but I haven't heard the full song yet for that opinion to stick.
Time out! Before I touch on how awful Sasha's spoken word sounds and the fact that Todrick just made an Alyssa Edwards reference, can I just giggle like a little school girl over how Ru and Michelle's podcast was sponsored by Squatty Potter and literally just found out about it cuz of Erica? Shea was so excited to get that thing. Now... Back to their practices. Sasha can't dance. Did you know? I didn't. I just found out. My feelings are hurt. (They made a Tupac movie. Have I ever mentioned that to this very day I still believe dude is alive?)
Okay, thing is: All these bitches are struggling to learn this choreography. They just... Nope. And then there's Shea gliding in like a majestic gazelle... Learning everything with no effort.
Ooooooh! Might I say I heart Rupaul's storybook dress inspires by the Book Ball from season 8. It looks a lot like Naomi Smalls's actually.
Okay, so... watched the whole performance and the only part I really liked was Shea's. I'm sorry. Anyone of those other three could be up and my feelings wouldn't be hurt. Shit, put Sasha up. She's never had to lipsync. Sasha vs. Trinity (cuz I honestly thought Peppermint did better than both of them) might actually be epic to watch.
Final Four Eleganza Extravaganza Runway...
1. Trinity (That dress is beautiful. Go on, pageant girl)
2. Peppermint (I have a thing for red and not only is this dress red, it's beautiful. She has been wearing some of the worse clothes I've ever seen on this show so mad props to her for pulling this garment together)
3. Sasha (Also in red. Though I despise that big ass adornment on the front of that dress, I like the look in general.
4. Shea (Girl, why didn't you drag ***⬅ Ha! See what I did there?*** out your Sunday best? Did you not have anything else on those hangers? On the floor? On clearance at your local Wal-Mart?)
I hate when they ask the queens why they think they should win and not the other chicks. Or when they ask who theu think should go home. Like, who cares about my background dancers? It's all about me, me, ME!
Oh, I forgot. This is the episode with the 4-way lipsync. Shea and Peppermint look great in this. Shea won but it's all about who lost... wait, Stop! No one's going home!!! Okay, okay. I'm okay with that.
I guess we'll find out next week who will be left standing when the dust settles
PS: I still miss Fire Island. I miss Patrick's sarcasm so much 💜

And Then He Brought Home A Kitten...

"I don't wanna be here anymore."
- Zyi

Ya know, I never thought the day would come where I would be typing out an entry about one of my kids running away from home and yet, here I am scrawling it out. Zyi ran away the night before last. I would've typed this out yesterday but really, to be honest, I've been so hurt, angry and confused, I didn't know where to start. I don't see where his life is so bad. I just don't. I asked him 11x's and his answers were really trivial. He's tired of following rules. Well guess what? When you become an adult, you'll still be following someone elses rules. Mainly the government. Even if you own your own business, at some point, we all gotta answer to someone. Yesterday was a kick in the gut because I'm always asking what's going on in everyone's life and he always says everything is fine but it's not fine if you leave your house at 10pm to walk in the dark to your girlfriend's house. Your hormones are all outta whack right now. That's just the truth. You think you're right cuz you wanna do what you wanna do. I totally get it. I've been there and so has every other kid on the planet. I was honest. I told him I've run away before. I also told him that I ran away because I thought I knew everything but I found out really quick that I didn't know squat. We all do things when we're teens because we think we're above it all. I'm hoping the cop bringing him home and giving him the 3rd degree gave him the dose of reality he needed. When we get those little driplets of hormones, we become scholars about everyone and everything. It takes a reality check to realize you don't know shit. Truth be told, I'm turning 34 Sunday and I'm still learning things. Up until yesterday, I thought I was doing parenting right. I really did. Maybe a few kinks here and there but out of all the kids, I have the most open relationship with Zyi. Or so I thought. Nothing like a kid running out on you to make you realize you're oh so very wrong. Just yanking the ground from beneath your feet. My 1st thought was: "If he's not lying in a ditch dead somewhere, he's gonna wish he was." It took everything in me to stop screaming at him and listen to what he had to say. I used to say all I had to do in life to be a good mom was not get hooked on crack and show up when tbe kids needed me. There goes life again throwing me a curve ball. Zyi doesn't realize how privileged he is. I told him a little bit about my childhood yesterday and the whole time I was talking, I could feel my eyes tearing up because his life isn't even close to what mine was like at his age. Boy, check your privilege. No one is beating him. No one is abandoning him so they can score some drugs. Christmas morning he actually has something to wake up and get excited for. There is a tree. There are gifts. He hardly ever shows us he's grateful for anything. He doesn't hafta eat as much as he can at school because there might not be food when he gets home. He doesn't hafta dread the weekend at school because he knows there's a chance he won't get to eat over the weekend. He doesn't know real struggle. I make jokes all the time about being poor but at the end of the day, knowing I pretty much came from nothing, I'm proud of my accomplishments. He has two parents. I didn't even have one who felt the need to get off drugs and take care of their kids. No one asks to be born. Hell, I don't even know my dad and yet, he has no idea what I went through and am still going through so he can have a relationship with his. I had to get adopted to even get a hint of what it feels like to be loved unconditionally by a parent. If I slacked off in school, no one went to my school to do everything they could so I would pass. No one walked back and forth to work for 3yrs straight to keep shoes on my feet, clothes on my back and a roof over my head. So yeah... Imma wanna hear what's so awful. Not wanting to follow the rules is not a good enough reason to leave. It just isn't. Making yourself be homeless because you don't wanna listen is a bullshit excuse to have your parents out running around worried and scared to death looking for your selfish ass and that's just the truth. Become an adult and make your own rules. That's how life truly works. You don't hurt people for your own selfish gains. That's just hateful and disgusting and quite frankly, I don't wanna see my kids that way.
But for one of them, now I do.
I mean, for him to come into my room last night and ask me did I think his girlfriend would be mad and yell at him for him running away from home speaks volumes. You're more concerned with how your girlfriend views you than your parents. He hasn't even tried to make amends for putting us through that (Nor the crap with his computer. He still hasn't even uttered a half apology for costing us all this money) and I'm so freaking tired and angry. Honestly, if you've reached a point where you don't care if you hurt me, it's time for you to be getting a job and saving money. Cuz apparently you already know everything. Which is sad because I've always made sure to teach my kids right from wrong.
"You don't hafta repeat someone's mistakes to learn from them." ⬅That's my motto. Always has been. Too bad my son can no longer hear me trying to teach and protect him.
And that's what hurts the most
PS: As for our title... Whilst he was out traipsing around, he found a kitten. She's a tiny little thing. They're calling her Dalphene. She cries, climbs and nibbles toes. It's annoying. She'll probably be off to the animal shelter tomorrow. *sighs* We just can't do two cats and Raina hates her.
PS2: You know what bothers me the most? He doesn't even care. Not once has he tried to apologize. He hasn't said anything to make me feel as if he regrets the pain he caused. All he wants is more, more, MORE. As long as he gets what he wants, he's good. Damn everyone else. I'm not raising him that way but somehow, this is what I'm putting out into the world. A selfish, entitled, snot nosed brat who only thinks of himself. It makes me look at myself as a mother differently. All those times I wanted to give up. Maybe I should've.
"I'm all for ambition but ambition is nothing without execution."
- Shea Coulee

Hey, hey, hey!
No more Nina. *sighs*
"Sue me. Shea Coulee, hope you struggle cleaning this." ☜That's what the mirror said. (Shut up, Trinity. I was starting to like your pageant ass. Depression seems negative but you're in your own head. No one invited you, bitch)
Oh man! The mini challenge is back this week. FINALLY!!! I 💜 the puppet challenge. Always have. The shade part is the best part but this season is so Sahara desert dry... I dunno. Well, I stand corrected. I'm pleasantly surprised. I'm thinking Sasha is gonna win this. I felt bad but I laughed at her Nina jokes. I'm going to Drag Hell.) Alexis shut up. You are not funny. I just don't like her. I don't. Sorry. Not sorry. Either way, I was right. Sasha won.
Okay, so the main challenge is the gayest drag show ever. Let's see...
Wait, before I start, it's looking like Peppermint will be river dancing her way out this time. *sighs* Speaking of highly underrated dance styles, dude, they've gotta do ribbon dancing to open there runway! *laughs hysterically* They suck at it. I totally called it. I knew it would be gah-awful. "Sasha is too nice cuz I woulda bitchslapped someone. WHAM! And then twirled my ribbon." ☜It's hard to despise Trinity when she gives me nuggets like that. Alexis vs. Sasha vs... Shea? What? Sasha and Shea noooooo! It's like watching your parents fight and you're over there huddled in a corner with your hands over your ears wishing they would stop before mommy bops daddy upside the head with the frying pan again. I don't like when they fight. Everyone else can rip each other to pieces but Sasha and Shea are a team man! I know they can't win together but with my beloved Nina gone, they're all I have.
The ribbons... uh, worst runway opening ever! Dull and disorganized... I miss the Season 5, 6 and 8 openings. Who can forget Jinkx Monsoon in Sugar Babies?! Those eyes... 💜💜💜

Rainbow She Better Do
1. Shea
2. Peppermint
3. Sasha
4. Trinity
5. Alexis Michelle (Last bitch. Last!)
They all think Alexis Michelle should go home... Shit, me too.

Sexy Unicorn
1. Shea
2. Sasha
3. Trinity
4. Peppermint
5. Go home Alexis Michelle... You're drunk

Village People Elaganza Extravaganza
1. Sasha
2. Trinity
3. Shea
4. Peppermint
5. Not gonna lie, Alexis Michelle's look was so wrong, I forgot about her. I was trying to figure out who I missed. I was like: "Why do I only have four names?" It took me a sec to realize I missed her. *shakes head* Sad when you fade so easily.
Imma say Sasha won but I want Shea to win. They said Shea's graffiti dress wasn't really rainbow. I disagree! Shea won... whoop whoop! Imma say Alexis vs. Peppermint. I was right! Here we go...
Peppermint for the win! I hate to admit how close this was but... They were neck and neck with those dance moves. Yaaaaaas! I thought Pep was going home but she did the damn thing.
Can I just talk about how heartbroken I am about Fire Island not playing anymore? *wails like a wounded seal* Patrick!!!

Max Has Grown... So Have I...

"Uh Garnet, you just drew yourself. "
- Steven
*shrugs* "I like me."
- Garnet (Steven's Universe)

So... Max Royal. *sighs* Max Royal has gone from being SA's drag persona to a fully realized personality of his own. It's kinda fun having another personality actually. I do enjoy the creative process. I always have. I think Max ended up branching off because he wanted his own voice and SA isn't the most selfless cat in the pin. They both need their own space. As artists, they can collaborate but as separate entities, they need their own space so yeah... Welcome to the imagination, Max.
Wanna see some of his debut work? Wait, wait, before I post some of his work, I just wanna say during the editing process, I could actually see the 32lbs I've lost. My face... No, more than that, MY ARMS... Dude, I'm proud to be a muse. I dunno, honestly I can say it makes me feel beautiful. I mean, I know​ I'm extravagantly gorgeous but this is different. This is... Pride. I'm proud. Wanna see my favorite shot?

That shit is gold, am I right? When I saw the final version, it blew my mind. Wanna see something else that blew my mind?

I really like that. *beams proudly* Magic... *jazz hands* I also finally got around to taking pics in my Green Ranger costume. Yes, I've been saying for the longest pics would be coming soon but Max thought Tuesday was the perfect day and you know what? He was right. Drag Queens are fucking artistic geniuses.

*points wildly* See?! It was fucking Morphin' Time! I was doing the damn thing. Being a muse is time consuming and demanding but at the same time, it's rewarding. I've felt even more centered since I started. I've emersed myself in it. I can honestly say it has helped me deal with David. Max might just be stronger than SA. It's kinda scary at times but I like that he's so opinion​ated. I'm naturally opinionated but Max is lethal. He's a no bullshit queen. I need that in my life.
You know what else I need? More outfits. I should hit the thrift stores. You can create looks without going broke.
I need a budget for outfits. Yup, definitely.
PS: RuPaul's Drag Race is coming on in 2hrs... I can't wait to see what Nina wrote in lipstick on that mirror cuz I saw Shea's name. I really am proud of her for being so candid about her depression. People keep acting as if you can just shake depression off... If you can just shake it off, there's a good chance you weren't depressed. As I've mentioned before, having a bad day and depression are not the same thing. It's kinda like being trapped in your own body... Wishing you could participate but you can't. It's like being paralyzed. So someone telling you to perk up really doesn't mean squat. People need to realize that.
"Keep my eyes on the judges. You've got it, Mama."
- Patrick (Fire Island... I am living for him in drag! I love his recreation of his mom's pageant look from 1973... Beautiful)

I'm still upset about them moving Fire Island. I can still feel the sharp edges of Patrick's sarcasm nipping at my thought patterns. You know... Like crack. Patrick was brain crack. I need my fix! Meh.
Before I start this entry, I just wanna say that my entry last week about Valentina didn't cover my disappointment. I had her at final 4 in my mind. I think I took it a little too personally. Not as personally as Rupaul with her Tyra Banks inspired, over mothering, rip you to shreds because I love you lecture... But yeah, personally nonetheless. I'm sad that Valentina didn't learn the words and I'm still sad about the letter Nina left her in Untucked. *sighs*
This week is the makeover challenge. Only thing is, this time it's the Drag Race crew members. Are we gonna have a damn mini challenge this week?! Did they fire the fucking pit crew?
Man, y'all don't get it. Nina's not happy that she sent Valentina home. Why am I the only one who can feel it through my TV? Uh oh. They're all complaining about her now. I'm scared this is her week. I hope not but if it is, I'm just glad this show brought her into my life. I'm following her all over social media.
*sighs* Are you kidding me?! Still no mini challenge?! What in the actual fuck?! I'm so over this. I want my mini challenges and I want them now! Uh oh, Nina's making a garment. Yep, every time a queen steps outta her comfort zone, she's gone. Adios, bye bye!
Oh! Oh! Gaywatch is back! 💜 Katya and Bob 💜 Okay VH1, I see you. No mini challenges but I can watch Gaywatch commercials. I can dig it.
I love when they do makeover episodes. Especially when they discuss the art of tucking. That shit is beautiful. The tuck-ee always looks mortified at the idea. Pull that dick and balls combo back... Yaaaaaas!
Of course there's a twist... They've gotta perform a lipsync to Rupaul's new song... As you do.
Oh man, this Gaywatch has them running in slow motion! Bob's hip pads are EVERYTHING.
Nina is killing herself. Like Valentina last week. I'm ubber sad about how all this is unfolding. I'm so glad Nina is opening up to her PA dude. Depression is just hard. People think it's about being sad and you can just stop at any moment. That's not depression. That's a bad day.
Oooooooh! Rupaul's dress tonight! I want it! I love it! I need it! It has some of Ru's sayings in Japanese. The designer who created it is right there. He's so freaking cute!
More Gaywatch! Bob and Katya lipsyncing the Baywatch theme: File that under things you didn't know you needed until you discovered it existed.
Top 3...
1. Trinity and Glitterfa Days (I think she won. Yes, she won. They look a lot alike)
2. Alexis and Ryann Stardust (Aw, I thought they were cute... They judeges disagree)
3. Nina and Arianna Bo Nina Brown (The judges don't like it either.)
4. Sasha and Donatella Valour
5. Shea and Bae Coulee
6. Peppermint and Wintergreen (Yeah, they were great too... Kesha cracked up every time Wintergreen moved her lips. It was hilarious)
Kesha thinks Rupaul has the best job. She does. Man, there were no bottoms this week for me.
Okay, so after that performance, I thought all their lipsynchs were great. I dunno who's lipsyncing for their life to be honest. Definitely Peppermint and Imma say Shea. Hopefully they liked Nina's bunny look as much as me... Well, no. No, they did not.
"Nipples is a funny word"... Dude, I heart the dogshit outta Gaywatch.
Nina vs. Alexis. That's what it's looking like for the lipsync.
A Fire Island commercial! "You make your bed, you gotta lay in it." - Oh Patrick, keep 'um coming.
It's back! I was right: Trinity won.
Nina vs. Shea... Hm. Did not see that coming. Man... 😢 Shea clearly won that. I'm hurt. I'm broken. I knew it tho'. Too much focus on Nina this episode.
"Sue me."
- Nina (Love her catch phrase... Love her 😢)
"Ya know, I think I just might."
- Rupaul (Teehee)
Imma need a moment...



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