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*sighs* I Was Right...

"You lose your soul when you feel like the world has forgotten you."
- Cookie Lyon (Empire)

I remember when being manic depressive was hugely embarrassing. I would get upset if people found out. I didn't want people to think I was using it as an excuse. Ah... memories. I'm better for it now. Not gonna say I run around shouting it from the rooftops. Baby steps. Baby steps. Ya know, because I refuse to be on meds, I try super duper hard to monitor my moods. Most of the time, I'm good about it... And then there are those other times...
Laurynn moving out weighed on me so bad I couldn't sleep last night and now I'm out here walking around feeling... I dunno. I dunno what's going on today. I feel like I wanna talk it out but there's no place to turn lately. Everyone is in their own head with their own shit and... I dunno. I need focal points. I'm trying to focus on the fact that this means I can start my room remodel sooner rather than later but that's not helping. I know I have a controling way about me but it's not that either. For some reason, her moving out drained me. Like, it sucked all the whatever the heck outta me. I wanna hide and say maybe I'm just sad but I've been at this monitoring my mood thing for YEARS. It's not just sadness. It's a change I know needed to happen that I wasn't ready for. I think I said it best yesterday when I said I'm having a half smile half frown type situation.
PS: FINALLY! I found my focal point! I won't ruin it here but you'll see... This'll be epic.
PS2: Started on 4/17/2017 finished on 4/20/2017 (National smoke out day... Potheads unite... I'm not a pothead but I don't knock a hustle) Sorry finishing this took a few days. It took me a moment to latch fully onto my focal point. I actually didn't hafta post this entry but I like being more open and honest about my struggles with depression. Ya never know, someone reading this might find the inspiration to dig a little deep and try harder



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